OdessanBvll
FIRE IN THE HOLE🔥
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2025
- Messages
- 183
I come to you all with knowledge.
I was scrolling the desuchives of old /qa/, looking for oldGOD gems, but when 6:59 PM came and passed, my computer started glitching out. The digital clock of my computer, for a brief moment, instead of going to 7:00 PM, it turned to 6:60 PM. Then, within a few seconds of it swapping to 6:60 PM, the digital clock turned to Ϫ:00 PM. I instantly scanned my PC with my antivirus, frantically checking if I had installed any malware while trying to pirate Five Nights at Cobsons, but it came back with nothing, with the time of the scan result ALSO reading Ϫ:00 PM. I was going to leave my room so I could get my Black BVLL to fix it for me (he's such a handyman), but when I tried to open the door, it simply would not open. It didn't feel like anything was blocking it, it just felt impossible to push open. Now fearing for my life, I checked the window, but I didn't see anything outside. Just a black abyss. I fell back in fear, and the words "Oh my science.." fell out of my mouth. Longing for any sense of reality, found the analog watch my father had left me before telling me he was a woman and subsequently 'ACKing. But when I read the watch, I was shocked. The hour hand was on the number Ϫ again, but I was positive that number wasn't on there the last time I used it. The time read Ϫ:06. Before I could even process this, I remembered my computer was glitching, I ran to save my 100,000 image 'jak folder, before it was corrupted. But when I went back to the window I was on before, something was different. The tab I was viewing had changed from the Desu Archives to the soyjak.party home page, and the earliest date I saw on the /news/ blurb above the PPH of each board was 7/4/2045, the headline reading: "H has added a CAPTCHA and a 30 minute post cooldown to ALL boards."
Another headline right under it, dated 2/12/2037 read:
"/zel/, /fap/, and / / have been added by H ."
Despite being extremely confused by the dates, I scrolled down, and read the PPH of each board.
/qa/ was at the top, with 2526 PPH,
/random/ was 2nd, with 1843 PPH,
and /r9k/ was 3rd, with 1443 PPH.
Confused that /soy/ wasn't on there, after scrolling through what seemed like hundreds of irrelevant boards, a bright idea struck my retard brain, and I used CTRL F to see mentions of /soy/. 0 mentions appeared. I tried typing in soyjak.party/soy/, but it autodirected to soyjak.party/random/. What I saw on there was horrific.
The 'log was completely fucked. I saw porn threads, obvious datamining, tribute threads, AI generated tranime porn, and worst of all, an archive.today link that presumably lead to 'p. All of this was in some sort of unintelligble niggerbabble that presumably used to be Soyspeak, as I still saw "gem" and "coal" being used in the replies rarely. This was appalling to me, so I checked the 'ki to see what H had done to my precious sharty. I searched his name up, and what I read through the nu-soyspeak was this.
After the 7th admin, who's name was never mentioned, had left to attend to other things in his life, H , took over for the next 9 years. At first, he was vehemently against NAS and porn on /soy/, and instated a policy that anyone who posted NAS on /soy/, outside from raids, would be b&. He seemingly was generally considered a good admin by all accounts, but late into his rule he completely flipped on his policies. The rest of the page was written completely in the nu-soyspeak, so I couldn't understand it at all, but there was a link to another page called "The Testy". I immediately clicked on it, and was bombarded with a thrembillion templates, and when I did get to the actual article, all I divined was that it was a splinter from one of the boards before H , and it was a direct competitor with the site. I fell down a rabbit hole of clicking every article, trying to understand the nu-soyspeak, but it was simply unintelligible niggerbabble to me. Everything I clicked lead to a new coally type of 'jak that I had never seen before, and many articles on SNCA. Before I knew it, I had spent almost an hour, and the clock on my computer read Ϫ:59 PM. When it turned to Ϫ:60 DOE, things started happening. All other tabs suddenly closed, and the only tab remaining was /random/, which I neglected to close. Then, the tab refreshed on it's own, showing me an index of 5 hours later. Before I could stop being confused on what was happening, the tab refreshed again, and the index jumped a day in advance. At Ϫ:6Ϫ PM, 2 minutes later, my mind felt a searing burn, and I realized I could somewat comprehend the nu-soyspeak now. The posts were BBC bait, roleplay threads, and namefaggotry was enabled. The index refreshed, and the posts were now a full 6 days from where I started. The posts had proper 'jaks now, and seemed to be protesting something, something about a board being locked. Before I could read the name of the board, the index jumped 2 entire weeks. Posts were back to the normal brimstone, but now there was a stickied post by H advising users to not interact with "Testyfags", and they would meet their justice soon enough. Another refresh. 2 months passed. The board was filled with tranime, porn, and some form of neutralplier that had far gone past being IAS being used to blogpost. It refreshed again, the dates had started using 2047 as a year end. The board was seemingly entirely dedicated to porn now, with the NAS neutralplierlike posts being the Brimstone in a sea of Antimatter. It refreshed again, not even giving me time to read past the first words of a plier post. The board was nothing but porn, then it refreshed again, giving me not the time to check the date. It refreshed again, before I could even register the third post on the index. It refreshed faster, and faster, until the only thing I could see was brief glimpses of the first post, usually being porn or the NAS plier blogposts. It got faster, and faster, and faster, brief glimpses turned into miliseconds of the page being visible before a refresh, then that turned into nanoseconds before the next refresh, and then it turned to picoseconds before the next refresh. The topbar was getting fuller and fuller of boards every refresh, to the point it started blocking out the first post. I wanted to look away, the porn becoming more and more fucked up, but I couldn't. I felt the same sensation trying to look away was the same sensation I felt trying to open the door. It was like my neck had stopped being able to turn. My BVLL would not like this. It refreshed and refreshed, until it stopped. 21 , read the date of the first post I saw. Music started playing. Some tranime music, fast paced. I saw the /qa/ dance, and then I saw it. In big red text.
/PTB/ RETURNS
PUBLICTEST.PARTY WON
#PACKWATCH
The board wasn't /random/ anymore. It was renamed to /soy/, and the once cluttered top bar, once filled with thousands of boards, was now only /soy/ and /ptb/.
The posts were mostly tranime reaction images of confusion, and some, thankfully, actual 'jaks proclaiming "/PTB/ WON, /SOY/ WON, /RANDOM/ LOST."
I checked the time of my computer.
It was Ϫ:ϪϪ PM.
And then,
It snapped to 7:00 PM.
My room was exactly how I left it, and I was exactly in the same pose I was before this happened. My BLACK BVLL entered the room, saying that he heard some sound coming from the room, and was here to check if everything was alright before he went back to plowing my wife.
I said it was alright, and he went back down to continue inseminating the person I swore to be with through everything.
But when I looked back at my screen, I wasn't looking at the desuarchives.
The website was soyjak.party/random/, And I saw the image pictured, and the name H above him.
Below the image was a caption:
"Don't let this happen."
I stared in awe, and then the page changed back to the desuarchive of /qa/ that I was browsing.
This happened a few days ago. I'm writing this down to bring the knowledge of this to the public, before I take my meds and sproke to forget it.
I was scrolling the desuchives of old /qa/, looking for oldGOD gems, but when 6:59 PM came and passed, my computer started glitching out. The digital clock of my computer, for a brief moment, instead of going to 7:00 PM, it turned to 6:60 PM. Then, within a few seconds of it swapping to 6:60 PM, the digital clock turned to Ϫ:00 PM. I instantly scanned my PC with my antivirus, frantically checking if I had installed any malware while trying to pirate Five Nights at Cobsons, but it came back with nothing, with the time of the scan result ALSO reading Ϫ:00 PM. I was going to leave my room so I could get my Black BVLL to fix it for me (he's such a handyman), but when I tried to open the door, it simply would not open. It didn't feel like anything was blocking it, it just felt impossible to push open. Now fearing for my life, I checked the window, but I didn't see anything outside. Just a black abyss. I fell back in fear, and the words "Oh my science.." fell out of my mouth. Longing for any sense of reality, found the analog watch my father had left me before telling me he was a woman and subsequently 'ACKing. But when I read the watch, I was shocked. The hour hand was on the number Ϫ again, but I was positive that number wasn't on there the last time I used it. The time read Ϫ:06. Before I could even process this, I remembered my computer was glitching, I ran to save my 100,000 image 'jak folder, before it was corrupted. But when I went back to the window I was on before, something was different. The tab I was viewing had changed from the Desu Archives to the soyjak.party home page, and the earliest date I saw on the /news/ blurb above the PPH of each board was 7/4/2045, the headline reading: "H has added a CAPTCHA and a 30 minute post cooldown to ALL boards."
Another headline right under it, dated 2/12/2037 read:
"/zel/, /fap/, and / / have been added by H ."
Despite being extremely confused by the dates, I scrolled down, and read the PPH of each board.
/qa/ was at the top, with 2526 PPH,
/random/ was 2nd, with 1843 PPH,
and /r9k/ was 3rd, with 1443 PPH.
Confused that /soy/ wasn't on there, after scrolling through what seemed like hundreds of irrelevant boards, a bright idea struck my retard brain, and I used CTRL F to see mentions of /soy/. 0 mentions appeared. I tried typing in soyjak.party/soy/, but it autodirected to soyjak.party/random/. What I saw on there was horrific.
The 'log was completely fucked. I saw porn threads, obvious datamining, tribute threads, AI generated tranime porn, and worst of all, an archive.today link that presumably lead to 'p. All of this was in some sort of unintelligble niggerbabble that presumably used to be Soyspeak, as I still saw "gem" and "coal" being used in the replies rarely. This was appalling to me, so I checked the 'ki to see what H had done to my precious sharty. I searched his name up, and what I read through the nu-soyspeak was this.
After the 7th admin, who's name was never mentioned, had left to attend to other things in his life, H , took over for the next 9 years. At first, he was vehemently against NAS and porn on /soy/, and instated a policy that anyone who posted NAS on /soy/, outside from raids, would be b&. He seemingly was generally considered a good admin by all accounts, but late into his rule he completely flipped on his policies. The rest of the page was written completely in the nu-soyspeak, so I couldn't understand it at all, but there was a link to another page called "The Testy". I immediately clicked on it, and was bombarded with a thrembillion templates, and when I did get to the actual article, all I divined was that it was a splinter from one of the boards before H , and it was a direct competitor with the site. I fell down a rabbit hole of clicking every article, trying to understand the nu-soyspeak, but it was simply unintelligible niggerbabble to me. Everything I clicked lead to a new coally type of 'jak that I had never seen before, and many articles on SNCA. Before I knew it, I had spent almost an hour, and the clock on my computer read Ϫ:59 PM. When it turned to Ϫ:60 DOE, things started happening. All other tabs suddenly closed, and the only tab remaining was /random/, which I neglected to close. Then, the tab refreshed on it's own, showing me an index of 5 hours later. Before I could stop being confused on what was happening, the tab refreshed again, and the index jumped a day in advance. At Ϫ:6Ϫ PM, 2 minutes later, my mind felt a searing burn, and I realized I could somewat comprehend the nu-soyspeak now. The posts were BBC bait, roleplay threads, and namefaggotry was enabled. The index refreshed, and the posts were now a full 6 days from where I started. The posts had proper 'jaks now, and seemed to be protesting something, something about a board being locked. Before I could read the name of the board, the index jumped 2 entire weeks. Posts were back to the normal brimstone, but now there was a stickied post by H advising users to not interact with "Testyfags", and they would meet their justice soon enough. Another refresh. 2 months passed. The board was filled with tranime, porn, and some form of neutralplier that had far gone past being IAS being used to blogpost. It refreshed again, the dates had started using 2047 as a year end. The board was seemingly entirely dedicated to porn now, with the NAS neutralplierlike posts being the Brimstone in a sea of Antimatter. It refreshed again, not even giving me time to read past the first words of a plier post. The board was nothing but porn, then it refreshed again, giving me not the time to check the date. It refreshed again, before I could even register the third post on the index. It refreshed faster, and faster, until the only thing I could see was brief glimpses of the first post, usually being porn or the NAS plier blogposts. It got faster, and faster, and faster, brief glimpses turned into miliseconds of the page being visible before a refresh, then that turned into nanoseconds before the next refresh, and then it turned to picoseconds before the next refresh. The topbar was getting fuller and fuller of boards every refresh, to the point it started blocking out the first post. I wanted to look away, the porn becoming more and more fucked up, but I couldn't. I felt the same sensation trying to look away was the same sensation I felt trying to open the door. It was like my neck had stopped being able to turn. My BVLL would not like this. It refreshed and refreshed, until it stopped. 21 , read the date of the first post I saw. Music started playing. Some tranime music, fast paced. I saw the /qa/ dance, and then I saw it. In big red text.
/PTB/ RETURNS
PUBLICTEST.PARTY WON
#PACKWATCH
The board wasn't /random/ anymore. It was renamed to /soy/, and the once cluttered top bar, once filled with thousands of boards, was now only /soy/ and /ptb/.
The posts were mostly tranime reaction images of confusion, and some, thankfully, actual 'jaks proclaiming "/PTB/ WON, /SOY/ WON, /RANDOM/ LOST."
I checked the time of my computer.
It was Ϫ:ϪϪ PM.
And then,
It snapped to 7:00 PM.
My room was exactly how I left it, and I was exactly in the same pose I was before this happened. My BLACK BVLL entered the room, saying that he heard some sound coming from the room, and was here to check if everything was alright before he went back to plowing my wife.
I said it was alright, and he went back down to continue inseminating the person I swore to be with through everything.
But when I looked back at my screen, I wasn't looking at the desuarchives.
The website was soyjak.party/random/, And I saw the image pictured, and the name H above him.
Below the image was a caption:
"Don't let this happen."
I stared in awe, and then the page changed back to the desuarchive of /qa/ that I was browsing.
This happened a few days ago. I'm writing this down to bring the knowledge of this to the public, before I take my meds and sproke to forget it.
